    -- | Support for quotes
    module Lambdabot.Plugin.Novelty.Slap (slapPlugin) where

    import Lambdabot.Plugin
    import Lambdabot.Util

    type Slap = ModuleT () LB

    slapPlugin :: Module ()
    slapPlugin = newModule
        { moduleCmds = return
            [ (command "slap")
                { aliases = ["smack"]
                , help = say "slap <nick>. Slap someone amusingly."
                , process = slap
                }
            ]
        }

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    slap :: String -> Cmd Slap ()
    slap "me" = do
        target <- showNick =<< getSender
        slapRandom target
    slap "yourself" = do
        target <- showNick =<< getLambdabotName
        slapRandom target
    slap target =
        slapRandom target

    slapRandom :: String -> Cmd Slap ()
    slapRandom tgt = say . ($ tgt) =<< random slapList

    slapList :: [String -> String]
    slapList =
        [(\x -> "/me slaps " ++ x)
        ,(\x -> "/me smacks " ++ x ++ " about with a large trout")
        ,(\x -> "/me beats up " ++ x)
        ,(\x -> "/me pokes " ++ x ++ " in the eye")
        ,(\x -> "why on earth would I slap " ++ x ++ "?")
        ,(\x -> "*SMACK*, *SLAM*, take that " ++ x ++ "!")
        ,(\_ -> "/me activates her slap-o-matic...")
        ,(\x -> "/me orders her trained monkeys to punch " ++ x)
        ,(\x -> "/me smashes a lamp on " ++ possesiveForm x ++ " head")
        ,(\x -> "/me hits " ++ x ++ " with a hammer, so they breaks into a thousand pieces")
        ,(\x -> "/me throws some pointy lambdas at " ++ x)
        ,(\x -> "/me loves " ++ x ++ ", so no slapping")
        ,(\x -> "/me would never hurt " ++ x ++ "!")
        ,(\x -> "go slap " ++ x ++ " yourself")
        ,(\_ -> "I won't; I want to go get some cookies instead.")
        ,(\x -> "I'd rather not; " ++ x ++ " looks rather dangerous.")
        ,(\_ -> "I don't perform such side effects on command!")
        ,(\_ -> "stop telling me what to do")
        ,(\x -> "/me clobbers " ++ x ++ " with an untyped language")
        ,(\x -> "/me pulls " ++ x ++ " through the Evil Mangler")
        ,(\x -> "/me secretly deletes " ++ possesiveForm x ++ " source code")
        ,(\x -> "/me places her fist firmly on " ++ possesiveForm x ++ " jaw")
        ,(\x -> "/me locks up " ++ x ++ " in a Monad")
        ,(\x -> "/me submits " ++ possesiveForm x ++ " email address to a dozen spam lists")
        ,(\x -> "/me moulds " ++ x ++ " into a delicous cookie, and places it in her oven")
        ,(\_ -> "/me will count to five...")
        ,(\x -> "/me jabs " ++ x ++ " with a C pointer")
        ,(\x -> "/me is overcome by a sudden desire to hurt " ++ x)
        ,(\x -> "/me karate-chops " ++ x ++ " into two equally sized halves")
        ,(\x -> "Come on, let's all slap " ++ x)
        ,(\x -> "/me pushes " ++ x ++ " from his chair")
        ,(\x -> "/me hits " ++ x ++ " with an assortment of kitchen utensils")
        ,(\x -> "/me slaps " ++ x ++ " with a slab of concrete")
        ,(\x -> "/me puts on her slapping gloves, and slaps " ++ x)
        ,(\x -> "/me decomposes " ++ x ++ " into several parts using the Banach-Tarski theorem and reassembles them to get two copies of " ++ x ++ "!")
        ]

    -- | The possesive form of a name, "x's"
    possesiveForm :: String -> String
    possesiveForm [] = []
    possesiveForm x
     | last x == 's' = x ++ "'"
     | otherwise     = x ++ "'s"